You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
