I wish I could teleport
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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