i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
