Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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