using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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