Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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