She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this just has baby written all over it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
