I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
