dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Send help, water and tortillas.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
