I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
