Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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