so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
