So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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