Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
