hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
