when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
