Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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