We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
