so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
