I think I died a long time ago.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
