I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
