Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
