i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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