I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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