dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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