11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
