Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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