So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
