Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
