I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
