Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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