mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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