Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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