somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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