so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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