Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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