You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
