Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
