I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she woke up with a sticky ear
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
