I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
