It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
