he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
