Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i came on her dog
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
