We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
