Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
