Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
