My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
