just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
