I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
