We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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