he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
